It has been a little while since I wrote, so I felt it was time to update.
In this season of life I have slowly come to discover more and more about who I am in the Father then what I do. It is so easy in this culture to measure one’s identity up in what one does. How many degrees one has accomplished, what organizations one has been apart of or head up. At that rate, it is so easy to compare yourself to others. Never-mind the rise of Instagram and other social media sites that make one feel as though their life is uneventful and boring.
I have also come to discover that every human is different. We are completely unique from each other; made with specific gifts and talents that create the person we are. As much as our culture is becoming more aware of emotional health, it is still something looked down upon. I am a very deep, emotional person. It doesn’t mean I am out of control, it just means that I feel deeply.
This season has shown me the insecurities I have carried for years. It has shown me what I have actually believed from deep within. Wilderness season’s have a funny way of pulling away all those layers of protection and exposing the bareness of our hearts. I have always thought of my emotions as my weakness, when they are my greatest strength. Yes – I have had weak moments because of them, but it doesn’t mean that they are a problem (which was what I believed for so long). I am still learning to embrace them, and to love them.
In this difficult season I am finding myself slowly coming back to life. I am also learning to discover who I am. When we take away the degrees, the businesses, the status, the materials, the media etc. what do we have? There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s the identity we place in them that is unsustainable. In the course of discovering me, I am having to rediscover Father God, as my ability to live life is through His love. I am continually having to remind myself of how much He loves me for just me. Nothing I have done or will do, nothing I have achieved will make Him love me more or less. He simply loves me for being His daughter. He created me with emotions so I could feel how He feels. Also, being so musical and artistic, emotion and feeling are critical. There’s no power or presence without emotion. It is the essence of music, of art, of creativity.
Did you know the Kingdom of God is 2/3rd’s emotion? “The Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).” Peace and joy. Two beautiful emotions of the Kingdom. How do peace and joy come about? Through love. As long as we stand in life lead by fear we will never receive peace and joy. The power of the love of the Father breaks down walls in our lives and brings healing to our hearts. It pours over our soul and our minds to bring clarity and truth. It takes away all the guilt and shame we have ever carried and redeems our life to a new beginning. It empowers us to live in freedom, to be brave and courageous and to give us the ability love the loveless.
When I find myself stressing out, I remind myself to let the Father love me in that moment. I don’t always remember, but when I do, it is a lot less fearful and stressful.
To discover oneself is to discover the love of the Father – to know I do not need to DO something but to BE someone. In being with the Father, the doing comes naturally, and honestly, it doesn’t feel like “doing” anything. We are suppose to do out of being, not the other way around. Doing to become only causes us to break down or burn out. We lose peace of mind, we lose the joy in our hearts and we become a bitter, resentful, fearful people.
Discover the Father. Discover His love for you. Know that the pain of the past is not what identifies you as loved. He looks past all of your shame, pain, and anguish and sees royalty. He sees the beauty He created in you and the power that you have to create the world around you beautiful.
You are His beloved.